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Monday, August 24, 2015

I taught the big bearded guy a lesson.

I didn’t provoke the fight, so I feel no remorse for what I was forced to do. We were arguing. I was right and he was wrong. He didn’t agree with my assessment of the size of his brain. He decided to fight to cover up his stupidity. 
He swung at me first.  I’m in such great shape that  I was able to act quickly and block his punch neatly with my head. I jumped to the ground dragging him down on top of me. I was begging for him to stop because I did not want to have to hurt him. He  was yelling and swearing so I placed my ear in his mouth so he would stop yelling at me. I poked his fingers several times with my eye.  His teeth must have been hurt badly by the strength of my ear because he became irate. He repeatedly mentioned, very loudly, that no one was allowed to disrespect his motorcycle by peeing on it. His voice was rather funny as it was interrupted by each kick he tried to use on me.  I cleverly blocked his onslaught with my ribs and head.
Eventually I got to my wind back enough to stand up (slowly so he wouldn’t think I was a danger to him when I told him that it might be due to sexual relations between his mother and his uncle) . I ambled toward my car in hopes that I could leave the scene without having to hurt this poor man further.
Before I could start the car he pulled me from the still open door. I was then convinced that I would have to swing at him but only managed to hit myself in the head.
To this I said “What’s this?  Two against one?”
That was the final straw . I lost all control.  There was something rotten in the state of Denmark.  I needed to evacuate .. the premises.
 “There will be no mercy now” I quaked with anger. Taking him in a death grip I pounded him in the knee with my stomach.  Then I hit him two or three times .. hard .. in the fist, .. with my teeth. Finally, he had had enough!  I could tell. He didn’t even try to pick me up off the ground. He was too chicken.

Monday, August 10, 2015

Dont step on a wet floor

A police officer called the station on his radio. 
"I have an interesting case here. An old lady shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped." 
"Have you arrested the woman?" 
"Not yet. The floor's still wet."

You missed it!

So what does this mean?

Things to remember as you grow old.

A fragment of a note from Clint Eastwood

"So, just in case I'm gone tomorrow, please know this:
I voted against that incompetent, lying, flip-flopping, insincere,
double-talking, radical socialist, terrorist excusing, bleeding heart,
narcissistic, scientific and economic moron currently in the White
Participating in a gun buy-back program because you think that
criminals have too many guns is like having yourself castrated because
you think your neighbors have too many kids".