I went into the dentist yesterday, to get a root canal -- surprised I needed one -- but anyway .. Dentists have to live too right? (Anyone who disagrees with this statement, join me at midnight under the old elm tree -- bring your sheets and pointy hats.)
Anyway, I showed up promptly at 6:30 a.m. (dentists obviously don’t use Facebook; besides, he had his golf clubs in the corner and told me he had an appointment to get out on the links at 1 p.m.). I was ushered in by his wife who was his assistant... and who was wearing the black outfit with the pentagram prominently displayed across her chest. She was very nice. (but scarry .. I think it was the lip piercings or the facial tattoos)
The dentist walked in and tightened up the restraints on my chair. He made sure the buckles over my wrists were secured. He then pressed a pedal on the floor behind the chair and my chair tipped backwards--‘til my feet were 4 feet above my head. He said, “Now, this isn’t going to hurt,” as he stuck his gloved finger in my mouth... under my front lip... and rubbed back and forth. Oil of Cloves it was not! but it tasted that bad!!. He kept telling me NOT to suck his finger. : ( I thought thats what he wanted!!! .
He then pulled out a needle -- it was about 12 inches long -- and screwed it into a 2-ft plunger type apparatus. He commented that this was his favorite needle because you could stick a horse with it and the horse would not complain. I couldn’t make the connection either. He then stuck the needle into a bucket of green liquid.that looked like green antifreeze but I suspected it was embalming fluid. When he pulled the plunger part up, the bucket emptied into the needle. He held it up and tapped it to make sure there were no air bubbles in it, then he squirted a bit in the air -- more for effect than anything. The hygienist, who happened to be limping by, fell to the floor claiming that he had hit her other leg this time. She dragged herself off in the direction of another hysterical patient. I vaguely heard her telling her screaming patient that she would have to postpone for an hour until she could walk again.
That’s about when I felt the dentist grab my upper lip and stretch it out toward the wall. He hooked it to a bungie cord he had hanging there. Then I felt the horse needle penetrate the my inner lip right where it sits under my nose. I coudlnt see much cause my lip was in the way. He pushed down saying, "There that didn't hurt, did it?"
Heck no, I thought, A pit bull ripping off my lip would hurt more... I think.