Los Locos Burritos Grande

The Latinos I have met in Yuma Arizona have been universally the nice, friendly and hardworking.  I was impressed.

I have a story to tell about this. I was in the Goodwill store, shopping around.  I happened to be by the bathing suits. I was looking through them to see if there were any my size. This tall muscular looking Mexican guy with tattoos, drooping black mustache, cap on backwards and a face like he hated the world, came over and stood beside me ..

 I thought .. ieeeee ieeeee ieeeeee I'm eeeen beeeeg trrrouble. .. so i held this bathing suit .. luminous yellow I think .. across my hips and smiled at him and asked if the thought it was big enough.

He looked at me for a second and a friendly smile lit up his face. "I don't know sir but they got almost every size. That one's kinda gay if you know what I mean."

Very conversational .. that's good.

So I said yeah .. "I need something more macho!!! y grande"  (in my limited Spanish that said 'and beaggar')

He grinned and made some some  male bonding remark  like "yeah we don't wanna start dressing in yellow!!!" .. and I came back with .. "besides ... I need something to hold big cajones!!!"  (Spanish for huevos)  .. He broke out laughing and moved away from the idiot Canadian. .. ..

Later as I was going through the till he came up behind me. "oh oh maybe I am in trouble" says my inner old man tourist mind.

When I got to put my stuff on the counter .. Rico .. that was his name  .. says .. "Hey Maria .. hombre ees okay .. geeve it to heem for free." Then he whispers to me " es mi hermana."  (she is my sister.) so I got to steal a "black"  bathing suit from Goodwill with collusion from the clerk and her gang banger hermano. (brother)..

And that's how I started my life as a member of "Los Locos Burritos Grande"  " LLBG" I get my tattoo (LLBG one inch by 5 inches on my left butt cheek) when I can do a wheelie on my moped.

But seriously .. most of this story is true (the part about me being in their gang is not.. I failed the physical ... and the language test) . I am very impressed by the Latinos I  met in Arizona .. on average they seem to be very good folks who love their families.

How Psychometricians get Laid

Canadian Lotteries

Jane: damn lottery!!!!

Jane: bought the wrong ticket again

Richard: you lost again!!!!

Jane: uh huh

Richard: hmmmm will you never learn?

Jane: no

Richard: next time pick the right numbers!!!

Jane: it's supposed to be 41 million

Jane: I dreamed it!! So it has to come true, right?

Richard: wow

Richard: yep .. has to be

Jane: hahaha

Richard: I should see if I have any tickets, less than a year old, hugging the inside of my wallet .

Richard: I tend to buy them and forget about them

Jane: It would be awful to have an expired winner

Jane: I don't think I'd want to know.

Richard: yes… have thought that a few times .. but then .. who would know ?

Jane: No you'd see them on the website and cry.

Richard: No… I have got one year ….. then they don’t show the old numbers so even I would never know!!!

Richard: I’m a three time lottery winner

Jane: yeah but $9 won't buy you a piece of ass these days

Richard: hmmmm that’s the theory I never tried

Jane: lol

Jane: be fun to spent that kind of money

Richard: I won about 21$ .. 28$ and 85$

Richard: A friend of mine and I actually figured out the odds once if we bought enough tickets to fill in every possible combination .. 100%

Jane: And how much would you have to spend?

Richard: the chances of making a screw up and miss filing was about 98%

Richard: I forget but 5.5 million comes to mind .. somewhere around that might have been more.  Would have to recalculate .. 49! (49 factorial)

Jane: lol

Jane: How Psychometricians get high?

Richard: well we measure things like that

Jane: calculating odds?

Jane: yes, I know

Richard: closet statisticians

Richard: We thought we could borrow the risk capital from a bank considering we had a 100% chance of winning.

Richard: We were thinking of all the residuals too .

Jane: You’re turning me on.

Richard: Yeah I know .. me too .. all that math .. not to mention all that money.

Richard: we started thinking about the risks. Millions and millions of numbers to calculate and keep track of. Possible errors of duplications could cost time and millions. Just the record keeping to be able to find the winning ticket(s) when we won would be daunting. .. and what if there was a misfile .. and renting space to keep the tickets .. and the fact that you could never fill out that many tickets at one store .. even if you arranged with the lotto people ahead of time ..

Jane: I want to suck your ..

Richard: You would have to have it preset in a 1000 7-11’s .. and what if a clerk messed up .. you would have to hire a small army of your own clerks and train them to make sure your interests were covered.  

Richard: Your expenses would double. You would have to pay employment insurance on all those employees. You would need a CFO .. (Major crook insurance) .. hmmm what else?

Jane: did you even see what I said?

Richard: no what did you say?

Richard: Oh that? Maybe later I’m thinking now.

Jane: I am so hot!!

Jane: I read about a math wizard who bought a bunch of those cheapie lotto tickets

Jane: you know those $2 ones

Jane: pay out up to 25000

Richard: yes

Jane: He calculated the odds of winning

Jane: took out the max loan he could afford and bought tickets

Jane: I think the loan was $8000

Jane: and he won over 70 000

Jane: in a weekends play

Jane: was a new game

Richard: and ?

Jane: there are interesting 'ways' of playing

Jane: where you use grids of numbers

Jane: saw one posted on 649

Jane: should have sent it to you

Jane: cause I didn't understand it

Jane: but you prolly would have

Richard: yes would be interesting to see if a person could increase the chances of scoring.

And that’s how Psychometricians get laid!! 

A conversation between two middle aged friends about children today

My Friend
kids are more and more needy everyday!! Arrggghhh!
Me
ahhh I know the problem .. My daughter just buying a condo .. and I didnt know it just starts with co-signing .. then comes all the other stuff she will need help with .. awww well its what I was born for right and my son just graduated from Nursing .. honors .. looks good for him .. so move out already and my other son is graduating tomorrow at 9am .. so another 3 hour session of diploma transfers to sit through .. and gum chewing grads .. lol ahhh well Quit your bitchin' Wolfie the world is as it should be .. sort of
My Friend
lol.....yes but it feels good to bitch. Frankly, I wouldnt have it any other way. lol Its always nice to know that mom is still useful lololol. Huge congrats to your son...quite an achievement. Never seems to amaze me how you can plod along with nothing exciting going on and then all of a sudden...hell breaks loose! My youngest graduated with honors in culinary, buys his first car, insures his first car (with a great deal of researching from mom), puts car on road all within 2 days!! Really??? He couldn't wait a week or two?? Twenty years old and everything needs to be done yesterday....but heaven forbid you ask him to clean his room this week or move his laundry. Other son realized the day before his birthday that his G2 will expire if he doesnt do his road test. DDUUHHH.....luckily he passed! Other than 'driving like a grandpa'...an uneventful test. Whewwww. Shall I go on? Naw......enough venting for now at least. Like I said, I wouldnt have it any other way. I expect things from them in return......gotta love parent hood!!
 Me 
we live in the same world .. almost exactly.. I keep telling my kids that in exchange for letting them live rent free until they are 30 .. I expect them to take over care of their mom when it’s time to retire .. that could save me a ton of money and if they don’t .. the guilt trip I’m giving them would be great revenge.
My Friend
 lolololol....love the guilt...works every time!
Me
 jejejejejeje
My Friend Mine will be at my beck and call when I am too old to drive and do errands....pay back for those multiple drop off/pick ups.
 Me 
yes . drill it into them .. over and over and over again .. so you can sit back and cackle and say with a long pointed crooked finger .. YOU don’t really love me you ungrateful half breed son of the devil.
My Friend 
hahahahahhahahahaha......got it covered....been practicing my cackle for some time now

The Amorous Cat

This morning just before my alarm went off .. 
my daughter's cat crawled up my chest  to neck with me .. 
well he decided to put his wet nose on my lips .. 
He was so excited he was drooling
That's it!!! ... He's dead!!!! 
when I get home tonight ... sheesh .  .. 
if theres one thing I can't stand its an amorous cat!!

Malicious Whorehouse Clock

I needed sleep last night.. and boy did I need it .. woke up in the night and thought .. "it cant be morning already" .. looked up at my luminous clock on the book shelf .. which doubles as a night light .. casting a sexy blue whore house light over everthing .. and it said 2AM ... 2AM!!!!!! .. so I rolled over and tried to get back to sleep .. it was rough but I tried .. and was still trying when I woke up at 5am .. 5AM!!! .. I need to get some sleep!!!! .. so laid back on my back and when through all my aches and pains .. lol .. gotta get those fixed I was still thinking when I woke up at 6:20 .. what!!!?? .. Morning already!! Dontcha just hate it when sleep sneaks in and doesn't tell you its been there. I think maybe its my whorehouse clock .. never called it that before but I kinda like the label .. anyway .. I think maybe its cheating me by making some hours just disappear!! .. for no reason other than I wasnt looking. .. well what can you expect from an $8 walmart reject. .. ..